heart of sand

习惯了，
不属于我的，
心还是会痛。

希望它能像宇宙一大，
被伤害了，
还会存在。

好朋友只是朋友

好朋友只是朋友 还是朋友 不能够占有
我知道什么时候回头 不打扰你的自由

认识你也许我就足够了 缘分的深浅我都不管了
可能你感动 也看不见我心如刀割,
哪怕很痛过 至少就不算错过

爱人不是最好的朋友 朋友再好也不能牵手
感情在天平两头 谁都怕太沉重

thanks, 2011...

just awhile,
we have to say good bye to 2011...
and,
say Hi to 2012...

can you imagine how fast time travels?
time will never stop and wait..
it flies without noticing..
so,
treasure everything..
and,
appreciate everything.

once time passes,
we grow,
things change...

it's holiday......soon

it seem like i have neglected this blog for ages...
hmm~
too busy with my exams, FYP and bla bla bla~

time flies~
it's 12/10/2011, AG time...
i miss last year's AG so so so much...>.<
but, i know that... we keep memories, but not replay memories...
how sad~

today is also XYB's bang zhu's 20th big day...
we surprised her, she got her b'day song from a brunch of kids...
this made me remember about my third b'day wish~
wish her happy b'day and stay pretty...=D

soon soon~
santa is coming to town...
hurray~ my KL trip is getting nearer....
Happy Christmas...=))

人海中遇見你

你的愛值得信賴

你的心靠在身邊只要你在我就有許多夢想只要你在我就有更多力量親愛的 我多麼幸運人海中能夠遇見你親愛的 我多麼盼望就從這一刻起和你分享所有感覺親愛的 我多麼幸運人海中能夠遇見你親愛的 我多麼盼望就從這一刻起和你分享真心的感覺你的愛沒有保留你的心獻給了我只要你在我就有更多理想與你同在就好像擁抱天堂 OH親愛的 我多麼幸運人海中能夠遇見你親愛的 我多麼盼望每一天在這里永遠永遠有家的感覺親愛的 我多麼幸運人海中能夠遇見你親愛的 我多麼盼望每一天在這里永遠永遠有家的感覺你的愛沒有保留你的心獻給了我只要你在我就有更多理想與你同在就好像擁抱天堂 OH親愛的 我多麼幸運人海中能夠遇見你親愛的 我多麼盼望每一天在這里永遠永遠有家的感覺親愛的 我多麼幸運人海中能夠遇見你親愛的 我多麼盼望每一天在這里和你分享家的感覺

her big day...

i'm so excited and waiting so long for tonight...
and finally...
we came...=D
luckily, it didn't disappoint me...

Mr. Ho--great place with yummy dishes...

bro's dish--lamb steak.

 choc cheese cake.

garlic bread.

dad's drink--hot coffee

deep fried chicken..juicy~

sis's drink--iced milk tea.

mum's drink--iced milo

bro's drink--iced tea

dad's dish--mixed grill (thumps up)

sis's dish--pork steak (lub the sauce~)

creamy mussels... (yummy~)

after dinner... 

it was an awesome night..
without big cake...
we still can enjoy a fascinating dinner.
the important is the one who share the foods and spent the night with you. =D

lastly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAMI..<3 

beauty of world

wonder,

is there any place is safe and clean from pollution and disasters?

is there any place we can see a big field with green grasses? 

is there any place that we can breath in freshy-yet-non-dusty air?

we shall figure out which angle that we can at least spot out 

a nice, clear white cloud and rainbow from the sky.

(24th October 2011)

An earthquake of magnitude 7.2 struck the eastern city of Van in Turkey. There are a total of 138 people dead and around 350 recipients are injured. However, the death toll is believed that will be increasing further as the rescuers are searching for the survivors in the earthquake devastated area.   

we can't avoid and predict the happens of disaster.

As in Thailand, the capital has been bearded down by the worst floods in five decades. Facilities such as airport, roads, subway systems, factories and shops have been terminated. The disaster also destroyed the crops and also the shut down most of the production of food and water. This caused the fears of food shortage, not only affect the citizen of Thailand, but people in the Earth. This disaster might also causing the outbreaks of diseases. 

no one hope for suffers, and pains.

The Earth is on our hands.

Let's do something before any regrets.

At least, it never too late.

no one could foresee how the world will become.

indeed, we can create a beauty life.

compared to others, we are the fortunate.

when life goes on, don't ever stop or turn it into dark.

never hesitate to make it colorful.

the day after today is always a question mark.

my rainbow.

the sounds of children playing, 

are some sort of magic that bring laughter and joys to me.

they are also the saddest sounds for me,

i can felt the distance that i'm no longer join in on,

i can't play as much as i can,

i can't cry when i'm hurt,

i can't have any warm hands when i'm sad.

at that moment,

i knew i've grown up,

i'm no longer a kid,

i shall be the one who lend my hands to them.

i want my rainbow back.

and sure, i can.=')

你还在吗。

我想，每个人都需要一个避风港吧。
无论伤心或有心事时，都需要个懂得自己的人在身边。

我是你的避风港；她是我的；但她的不一定是我。
这样的圈圈，我想在这个社会常有吧。

我知道，我的避风港，不再属于我，又或者它从不属于我。

这样的我，也许会将心痛死，也不会再找下一座避风港了。

我懂，日子还是得过，不如快乐的过。
眼泪就只好留给自己。

那些拥有自己避风港的人，

真得很幸福。

Destiny.

Nothing is more important to be blissful.
The only way is smile, no matter how tough my life is...
So, no matter how hurt I am, just show my smile to everyone...
Even, they might be a fake ones, at least no one knows.
I just realized that, the more I want, the harder I receive...
That's life... Be happy~

continue without courage

哭 , 並不是因為脆弱 而是因為堅強得太久......

time flies, 1 week times just passed so soon...

會不會放手 其實才是擁有

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!

Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.


怎麼去擁有 一道彩虹
怎麼去擁抱 一夏天的風
天上的星星 笑地上的人
總是不能懂 不能覺得足夠

當一陣風吹來 風箏飛上天空
為了你而祈禱 而祝福 而感動
終於你身影 消失在人海盡頭
才發現 笑著哭 最痛


如果我愛上 你的笑容
要怎麼收藏 要怎麼擁有
如果你快樂 不是為我
會不會放手 其實才是擁有

just a simple one i hope for when i'm down...

a letter for gemini

Hi,

life without excitement definitely not the page in your lifetime-dairy...days without joys and cares are always a nightmare for you...promises without actions are always your enemies...shoulders and hands with no sincere can just easily hurt your heart...

you never stop seeking for a good listener and strong-yet-reliable shoulder...though, you never try to express out your very-real concerns...and so, you have to take a longer time to heal your heart...

because you have two hearts, and two brains...

with these, you might be smarter or brighter...

you also think wiser, feel more and hurt more...

what you can do, is just lock your

secret's heart...

Sincerely,

"ME"

get it right

What have I done? I wish I could run.
Away from this ship going under
Just trying to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth, that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah, I'll send down a wish
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
Oh my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight.

moving on with a pause

nothing is more miserable than waiting...

a butterfly life

no matter how sad you are, no matter how frustrated you are...

when you get rid the darkness in your heart, rainbow will definitely appear...

no matter how awful you look, no matter how worse your life is...

if there always someone who you love and who care for you just around, your delightful smile will always be the your friend...

so, never lost the chance to welcome the rainbow...

and always grab the opportunity to love and appreciate the loves...

something delightful.

Oops~
Just found out that recently blog's posts were too emo... hmm~
So so...

it's time to share something fascinating...LOL
Here come my new 'family member'..
Taadaaaa~ iPad 2...
A super big screen for me to surf internet, read files, and of course gaming~ =p

neither,nor

"be who you're, because you're unique"

i want to, but still there's some negative views from others...

i always over-estimate myself...

"change to be better, because you can"

i try to, but the fate to be abandoned will never change...

people will still ignore your affords...

i understand these, because i'm also a human...i know how human think...

i'm nobody.

i always aware that...

how tiny my size in the crowd,

how unimportant my role in the group,

and how unremarkable girl i am...

i always want to be the outstanding's...

unfortunately, i never meet the line...

i know my limitation...

i'm will never be the one...

just that,

now i only realised that,

i really tiny like a sand in a bottle of seeds...

you will never see me or even bother about my exist...

never let go

time flies, memories built.

there always a thought that: "never regret what you've done and what you not yet done".

now, i had a strong feeling that.....why i didn't capture the happiest memory.

when you missed the opportunity, there always have a saying that:"just grab another chance to accomplish what you missed..."

ya, it might be a good statement. but, there is no way to have an exact scenario that passed by.

the remarkable memories will only happen once in you life.

the most important is that, the people who share and bring joy for you might not be around anymore.

only now, i realized, pictures tell the stories. my meaningful life-time stories. =')

good luck again..

last day of holiday...

it sounds like a miserable and busy life gonna start over again...

='(

hmm~

let's energize ourselves and strive for the best...

"yes,you can!!"

*finger-crossed*

ohya,

as what i mentioned in the previous post..

i'm craving for a nice movie desperately...

i didn't mean that movies are low-classed nowadays...

just, they're not "my cup of tea"...

i know i'm in a such a matter of "i-m-so-mahuan"...

horror movies are definitely not in my list...

action movie with black scenes or ancient story lines are also not my favorites...

because they made me feel like "hey-where's-the-ball" or "i-can't-see-what-the-heck-are-they-doing"...

but, i'm pretty sure that comedy fit my taste...=p

they're my vege...weee~

or maybe some love stories and interesting story line...

stop dreaming about movies!

it's time to crack your head for study...

arghh~

wanted~

i always have a thought that..."hey, let's grab a nice movie"...

but, it didn't really happen recently...

how sad~ =(

though, i found two interesting movie...

they're "made" in Taiwan...

LOL...

too bad~ Malaysia didn't show any of them...

i wonder why~ hmm...

how i gonna watch the full movie...O.O

1st: JUMP! ASHIN/翻滾吧! 阿信
(director: 林育賢, actors: 彭于晏、柯宇綸、林辰唏, 陳漢典、龍邵華­、潘麗麗、夏靖庭)

words from the movie:

"想哭的時候就倒立,这样眼泪就不会留下来了"

2nd: You are the apple of my eye/ 那些年，我們一起追的女孩

(director: 九把刀, actors:柯震東 ,陳妍希, 鄢勝宇, 敖犬, 郝劭文, 蔡昌憲, 彎彎)

words from the movie:

"青春是一場大雨。即使感冒了，還盼望回頭再淋它一次..."

"不像考卷，所有复杂困难的问题，都能得到一个解答；真实人生里，有些事永远都不会答案"

no hurt. but greater

life without me,

no harm...

it seem even better...=')

this proved the low value of myself...

JUMP! ASHIN

翻滾吧! 阿信

''a true story of the director's brother...''

Eddie Peng looks super awesome here...=p

it's the matter of trust.neither fair nor unfair

at the time being~

i just want to be a adorable child...

who only can see the beauty of the world with colorful rainbow...

who can always stay in the circumstance of the-awful-world-is-non-of-my-business...

how nice~

if i'm a person who disable to think...

who cruel enough to ignore all the fate...

this matter sudden pop-ed in my mind...

"to be unfair is more challenge than to be fair....

we can learn to be fair, but we need to be criticized when we're unfair...

though,

the matter of fair and unfair is no more been concern..

trust, shall be the one!

the important key to make everything perfect...

the crucial term to give faith for everyone to be together in peace..."

gave me a thought to be myself~

your own truth.

what you felt,

what you saw,

what you heard,

does not mean everything.

this is only what we called as the assumption,

but not truth.

when you think it is the fate,

when you assume the truth,

when you decide your direction,

that's your initiative to be a coward.

this is just the way of hurting everyone.

but not facing the fate.

gap, no one breaks.

trapped in the deep hole.

for no reason.

and never know when.

caught in the middle line.

no one want a further step.

and so the distance is getting apart.

lost in the fake life.

due to the coward-ness.

eventually scar's growing bigger in the heart.

we know how should we go.

but,

we didn't take the courage or opportunity to move on.

at last,

the precious lost.

when we look for,

it already turned into a tiny piece.

i'm the fortunate

for the fortunate,

when starving for the 30 hours,

they have no pain, no awfulness,

because they knew that there's always food for them after that.

for the unlucky,

no matter how long they starved,

they have get used with what they facing,

because they knew they have no opportunity to change their fates.

reliable,forever

laugh out.

and smile.

accepted the reality.

and try to get into it.

it's tough.

but i believe.

it might be a lie.

but i saw respect.

it might be a prank.

i suppose that's a laughter.

when truth getting cruel.

i see more support and trust.

and getting more faith on my shelters.

because i believe they seeking for a shoulder too.

keep it up..=)

i tried...

and it worked...

i think~

it might be hard...

and,

it seem weird and uneasy for me...

but i think...

is the best way to avoid misunderstanding...

=D

not easy to speak...

when you get into trouble or unhappy...

the toughest moment is not when you have no partner to say so...

is when you have someone to say, but you didn't have the courage to speak out...

我做了一件我以为我这辈子都不可能做的事。

是时候停止了。

因为这从头到尾，

都是一个错误。

讽刺。

伪装，

是让关心你的人安心。

冷静，

是让自己听听心里的声音。

期待，

是让自己有那么一丝希望。

放下，

是一种骗自己的说法。

尝试，

是让自己成长的过程。

原谅，

是一门艰苦的人生学问。

面对，

是让自己活下去的必经之路。

我的冷静让我尝试去放下、原谅，

我的伪装只能暂时代替我的悲伤去面对所有人。

只期待更圆满的结局。

然而，

孤独，

让我静静的自我回忆那时的美好，

让我忆起一时的不愉快。

死了

"我看得到、听得到、也感受得到。

我容忍是因为我知道，我再怎样讲也是没有结果的。

到了最尽头的那一天，就是我心没有血的那一天，我的心也麻木了。"

我想这一天到了，

只是好快、也好残酷。

who hurt?the one who care.

有时候，

太聪明、太厉害不见得是一种好事。

因为彼此的勾心斗角、

互相计较变得更强烈了。

最后的赢家会是谁？

是那些不在战场上，

在一旁看好戏的人。

他们正悄悄的看着你们遍体磷伤。

i miss you, my tears

sometimes i do wish that i could cry,

for victory, for surprise, for sadness, and for a special someone...

unfortunately it seem so hard for me to get my cheeks wet,

i do felt cruel about myself for that...

thinking when i lost my feeling,

wondering where have my emotional gone...

it's 20...and it's extraordinary...

love you guys...

LOL...

*big muaks and hugs*...

3 celebrations..

3 cakes...

appreciate all the celebrations, wishes and gifts..

swinburne friends,

members,

my anak-anak,

XYBs,

Ms connie,

and the "game's master"...

frankly speaking,

before the surprises,

i'm have set myself in the "be-ready-for-the-surprise" mode...

but still the surprises were all very special,

and were all unexpected,

surprise 1- spring's carpark...

swinburne's friends... all are good actors...LOL

surprise 2- weekly meeting's room...

members and my anak-anak...thanks for the birthday song...

the loudest i ever heard...haha

surprise 3- 101's...

XYBs and 4 anak...

most sia soi...because i screamed loudly there and cried...

luckily it was dark there...

just want to say tq for all the surprises...

you all really made me felt warm and special for my 20...

ya~

i made my wishes for three times...

1st wish: 希望在场，爱我和我爱的人，都可以健健康康，开开心心。

2nd wish: 希望自己的学业可以更上一层楼。

3rd wish: *留给自己*...=D

it's 618......... tomorrow ~

oh yeah~

you're my vege~ sporty guy..

HAHAHA...

i have no idea where did i get the courage to make my 'first' public confessions here...

LOL...

ya~

you're my cup of tea...

black-skinned sporty guys will usually catch my attention...

left-handed will be more ideal...

LOL...

i know i'm insane...

i know i'm not the brightest star in the crowd...

and i will never be...

always i'm just the unrelated "k-leh-feh"...

i will always stand aside in the corner...

waiting for my turn to accomplish my duty...

i know i'm too tiny in the crowd...

my only wish is that...

you can sense my exist...

我的人生，

有过730页的日记。

有起有落。

往往，

618是我最期待的一天。

明天即将是我第一个“二”的618，

感觉好像没像以往那么期待了，

就好像我会预知明天的发生，

心灵上也变得不那么活跃了,

也变得没那么特别了吧。

不过，

还是很感谢这天的到来，

是你让我觉得“我又长大了”。

approaching...

oh~

it's 15 june today...

what does it sound to me?

awww~

just few more days from now...

i'm scare...

but still looking forward...

i know...

i sound idiot....neh~

=)

what should i say now?

FREEDOM!

whee~

have to enjoy my three weeks to the max...

colorful i mean...

the best but the least...

i love you so much...

as you brighten my life...

i miss you so much...

as you only appear in my life with such plenty time...

you never approach me...

how sad...='(

today

a super hot day...i mean weather~

just done with my first paper...

which mean two more to go in two weeks time...

but i already feel like holiday..='(

today's paper made me felt like "oh-gosh-i-saw-a-F-on-my-frontpage"...-.-

i hope that's an illusion and tell me, 'nah~that's a P'...

pray hard for that...

four more days for sibu trip...

woo~ my very first time to visit there by taking such long journey...

i hope it will a great one and a more gorgeous with three "light-but-meaningful-gifts" back to town...

pray hard for that too...

few days ago...

finally i grabbed an opportunity to click on the "watch" icon on the movie "2012"...

i know i'm super out-dated for that movie...

but i'm intentionally to be so because i strongly refused to watch this movie...

i don't want to accumulate my phobia-ness about the end of world...

but still i watched, i cried and felt touch...

my o.s. "end of world, please don't come...='( "

no plenty time for me think about the sad case~

busy time set me free from frustrating~

i'm okay...=)

天終於亮了吧？背對背的沙發
時針分針和秒針都不說話
我們選擇沉默，淚在胃裏酸化
還有傷悲但不掙扎

哦...昨夜雨很大，我們沒吵架
哦... 沉默如刀狠狠劃下




就算了吧，就算我先說，不愛啦
就算了吧，你要我先說，放弃吧
淚挺我，不掉落
退到自己最陌生的角落
剩下一絲逞強在假灑脫
現在我，有什麼，不Okay

天早就亮了吧？寂寞的雙人桌
時針分針秒針還是不說話
自己選擇沉默，就當我是啞巴
怕一開口傷太赤裸

哦...昨夜雨沒下，我們沒吵架
哦... 只是傷口還没結痂

就算了吧，就算我先說，不愛啦
就算了吧，你要我先說，放弃吧
淚挺我，不掉落
退到自己最陌生的角落
剩下一絲逞強在假灑脫
現在我，有什麼，不Okay

我和你，的愛情，連續劇，的結局
那甜蜜，總屬於，男主角的你
我終於，也認清，原來你，早寫好續集

還是你，的愛情，我已經，沒參與
那甜蜜，總屬於，男主角的你
她靠近，我離去，隨便你, 隨便你...

就算了吧，就算我先說，不愛啦
就算了吧，你要我先說，放弃吧
淚掉落，不難過
退到你擁抱圍成的角落
你走後是一片天空海闊
現在我，沒什麼，I'm Okay...
I'm Okay

not really the best

'the best way to get rid you from my mind...

is to make myself loaded with lotsa stuffs...

or get myself crowded with lotsa laughters...

or think more about your bads'

this is what i told myself everytime when i feel frustrated....

but when i woke up from my anger...

i changed my mind...

this is what i called 'gemini'...

fairytale

我想不会有另外一对可以像他们这样，

认真对待自己的感情，

互相支持及鼓励；

用最真的一面对待所有人，

用心帮助有需要的人。

在这重要的一天，

获得了所有人真心的祝福，

也让所有人感受到那幸福。

happy ever after. =')

离我远去

当我睁开眼，

看到的是白色的天花板，

脑子里浮现的都是刚刚的梦境。

童话的故事，

只有在梦里，

让我心想事成。

回到了现实，

我只能不断的回想，

感觉那美好的时刻。

然而，

记忆不能长久，

再也不能想起那永远都不会实现的故事。

arghhh..=(

so sad...

busy month for me...

assignments, reports and exams..

not in the mood at all...

*craving for lots of stuff..hmm~ but save money la...

*everyday imagine the holidays on december...LOL

最好，但不理想

你也许是最好的，

但不是我理想的。

你也许付出很多，

但我已经感觉不到。

你也许给过很多承诺，

但实现不了。

我没有再期盼，

因为你给不了。

你从不关心我的学业，

因为你不在乎，

所以你从来不知我的压力。

我想要的，

你常常拒于千里之外。

对于他人，

你正好相反。

也许我们立场不同，

所以不能感受对方的心灵。

我和你，

永远不能在同一线上，

因为想法不同。

我不厌恶你，

也不生气你，

只是心淡了。

你还会是我想爱护的人。

只期盼，

在未来，

在你的立场，

我不会是如此，

我会是理想的那位。

yeahx3

say "yeah" for my current mood...

just ended my miserable study week...

i finish my mid-sem test this noon...

hurray!

just done my booking for my trip on Christmas...

so so so excited for that trip...

yeapi~

today onwards...

saving money will be my MAIN task..

wuhoo~

AND...

new episodes of Criminal Minds are coming up...

thumps up~

hope more and more exciting things approach me...

rock my days to the max..

Santa...

wish to see you soon...

=p

simple paradise

get used with busy Saturday...

seem like KHS is some place where i should show myself on every Saturday...

it's like a place or a day for me to relieve my stress and get rid my sadness...

enjoy to be who i am there...

enjoy the time spending with those kids...

they might be crazy and fooling all the time...

to be frank...

i share their joys and happiness...

every time i step out from there...

my miserableness started to pop out on my mind...

then i was thinking why whole day i'm was totally forget about them...

i think that's why i love there and them...