depressing

last week was my nice and pretty week...
because i received many good news and drive out...

but this week was my tired and terrible week...
although it was just third day of this week...
i felt very bad...
im tired...
and received bad news...
my first trip cancel...
aikx...
how i wish i be there...
but unsuccessful because of that stupid H1A1...
i just torturing myself...
today didn't attend school because not feeling well...
and i just ate one meal...for night...
then now almost 2am...
i still in front of my laptop typing this post...
ugh~~

totally tired....

why im tired?
*exhausted*
1st: can't drive...
2nd:i miss my favourite basketball game...
3rd:my heart bleeding...
aikx...
disappointment and loneliness...
made me fall down today...
my tears are ready to drop...
but i controlled it...
because i promised myself to be happy everyday...
but i failed to manage it...
i want a reliable shoulder beside me...
and a good-listener...
T_T

mentally tired

i wanna cry!!!
i want a rubbish bin...

i have everything...
P-license and car...
but i don't have the opportunity to drive...
this really made me frustrated...
and im mad of myself...

WHEN CAN I DRIVE?
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i already very tired to discuss this with you anymore...
i never get a good suggestion from you...
because this never important in your heart...

no more dream!!!

don't dream anymore...
and no more dream for me!!!

NO VIOS anymore...
T_T

miss the time...

today whole day was raining...
whole day at home...
watched the gem of life...

but in my heart...
i thinking about my friends....
they participating khsrc camp at santubong...
sure they having fun now...
they can have gathering there...
but me.................
haiz...
i can't join them...
felt sad...
sob sob...

miss the experience and time when i participated or organised camp...
but now...
the only chance had gone...
T_T

遗憾。。。

今早的我还没完全醒来...
就去了学校...
还未进到学校就看到及听到他们开心的声音...

进去之后...
看到他们带着大包小包的...
心理的滋味更是糟到极点...

sorry...
i don't mean to show my emotion to you...
i really felt sorry...
because i can't go camp with you all...
i know maybe this will be our last gathering...
i do nothing...
T_T

no reason

when i saw that picture that day...
i felt surprise...
because i never know you got such beautiful friend in your life...
i never know that!!!
and you never tell me...
im a bit down when i saw that picture...
but i told myself that means nothing...

but now...
the picture was so obvious...
i really don't know what feeling should i have now...
im still telling myself that really means NOTHING!!!

不要!!!

以为不在意...

心却很痛...

不要再有这种感觉...

只想好好过自己的生活...

很累了....

也许他人的遭遇比我还糟糕吧...

我还是幸运的...

191 storyzz...

开始有点恨我自己...
为什么我会做出那种事情?
为什么我会说出那样的话?
真的不知道...
看来是我自己毁了一切...

190 storyzz...

正当所有人以为我没事时...
正当我以为我以为我可以骗过所有人时...
正当我以为我可以骗过自己时...
我发现我的心在流血就像水龙头的水一样留个不停...
我用欢笑...
我用快乐...
我用一切...
去掩饰了我所有的痛苦...
因为我是懦夫...
原来欺骗自己比欺骗他人...
心痛的感觉是相差了几万倍...

189 storyzz...

想了很久...
就是做不出决定...
知道自己是个胆小鬼...
害怕所以却步...
脑海里...
心里...
都是我讨厌的画面...
因为它们已经深深记载在我心里...
它们让我难以抉择...
它们让我难以忘记...
我真的很恨它们...
为什么一直在我心里徘徊?
我不想要...
也因为这样...
我始终无法面对自己...
做出我自己想要的一个结果...
因为现在的我正慢慢往放弃那条路而行...
对不起...

167 storyzz...

权利究竟是什么???
有权利的人没有心领导...
没有权利的人却一直付出...
想一想...
我也忍了快一年了...
再过一个月我就可以退出了...
希望吧...
不敢再对你们有什么期望...
不敢再对你们要求什么...
剩下一个月...
希望你们真的会醒吧!

161 storyzz...

看似开心的事...
也许隐藏着悲痛的秘密...
看似幸福的家庭...
也许有着不可告人的秘密...
就想这几天的我...
看似无恙...
看似快乐...
看似坚强...
看似强势...
也许我也背负着百般的悲痛...
只是不懂得表现...
也不可表现...
我也只能偷偷把自己藏在被里哭泣...

160 storyzz...

everyone seem happy and fun...
but nt me...
i tot everything will be good...
but just disappointed me...
and even worst...
why joy came so sudden and short...
i need all of you...
i dun wanna to miss you all...
please!!!

156 storyzz....

5月12日...
一个震撼人心的一天...
全球人民不可能忘记的一天...
不是因为奥运会...
不是因为哪位明歌星的生日...
不是因为什么光彩的伟大事件...
是有史以来全球最严重512的大地震...
看着那些难民...
我的眼泪流下了...
有人恨...
有人悲...
有人怒....
因为这场大地震造成了无数的死亡...
失去了无数的钱财...
他们失去了他们的亲人...
但他们很团结...
某生人帮助某生人...
无怨无恢地救出被困者...
如果全世界的人能保着这样的态度过生活...
那不就世界太平了吗?
"恨"..."悲"..."怒"...
这些都是那些灾民现在的心情...
恨着那大地震所带来的痛苦...
但有谁想过?
这岂不是人类的所作所为的后果吗???

127 storyzz...

felt happy because i saw him smile...
felt sad because i saw her cried...
felt hurt because my leg pain again...
felt miserable because i dunno what should i do...
plz bless me and him stay healthy forever...
*god bless*

125 storyzz...

feel so down....
second time i saw him cried...
suddenly i felt empty in my heart...
i really scared that he will leave...
god...
please bless him...
i need him lots...
please bless him to stay healthy forever...
T_T

122 storyZZ...

不知为什么最近身体比较弱...
全身上下都有伤...
最害怕的还是我的脚伤...
我才开始爱上羽球...
因为我的脚...
我真的必须放弃吗?

119 storyZZ

y im so weak?
here pain there pain...
but not dare to tel parents...
my leg become more pain and more often...
plus..............
*sobsob*

last night after "fighting" with my laptop...
i went to bed with weird feel...
when i try to keep my eyes close...
i feel so lonely...
hoping someone hug me...
accompany me...
no one here!!!
i cried without any reason...
dunno why...
maybe is 1st aid competition's pressure...
maybe is someone...
i know im useless...
im not a good section leader...
im so scare with the competition...
because this is the 1st time i join the competition...
and my 1st aid is so poor...
i really scare...
lack of confident and........................ T_T